TRAVEL SHOWS

It’s so simple, people. Have you seen any of the travel shows on television? On PBS? On the Travel Channel? Discovery Channel? Have you seen the fucking people we send all over the world as “ambassadors” to expose other cultures to us?

Rick Steves? The guy’s website title is “Europe Through the Back Door” – what does that immediately make you think of?

Andrew Zimmern? A short, fat, bald, feminine, annoying, dork who goes around the world asking everyone in each location where he can get the best beating frog hearts, freshest goat anus, or, better yet, fermented beetle dung.

Anthony Boudain? Oh good – An arrogant, pretentious East Coast prick with a last name that sounds French. Magic combination there. I’m sure the poor guy in Vietnam who lost his leg after walking across a landmine left on his farm from the war wants to hear Tony throw around big words while eating what little food the guy has left and asking him if he resents him because he’s American. Then he turns to the camera and talks about how good the fucking soup is.

Then you have the lesser tier of hosts like Dr. Mike who travels around the world trying to get animals to bite him, Samantha Brown who has all the annoying qualities of a jolly, senile senior citizen but couldn’t be more than 45, or that Man vs. Wild guy who gets dropped in the middle of fucking nowhere and is 5 cans short of a 6-pack and eats maggots and drinks piss. Or how about the legions of idiots across several different channels now who travel around chasing “ghosts” or “extreme weather”?

People all over the world either meet up with these assholes when they travel to their part of the world or they see them on T.V. and they think we’re all a bunch of short, fat, bald, annoying, arrogant, gay, senile, lunatics who want to eat and drink only the most disgusting shit their countries have to offer and hope to hell that a big fucking paranormal tornado hits while we’re there. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why people in other countries hate Americans.