Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ category

Update from Grandma (7-10-2010)

July 11th, 2010

Yesterday I spoke to my 89 year old grandmother on the phone. I wanted to try and document the many subjects that were covered:

1) Sex. I’m not entirely sure how or why this came up in conversation, but it did. And the 35 or so seconds that it did come up in the conversation made me uncomfortable. Not exactly the kind of conversation I wanted to have with my grandmother. So I quickly tried, unsuccessfully twice, to change the subject. Fortunately, she moves from topic to topic quickly and we were able to move past this awkward moment.

2) Volunteering. My grandmother is still extremely active and likes to volunteer at events and theaters all over Los Angeles. This gives her an opportunity to do two of the things she does best: (1) Meet and talk to anyone and everyone – she’s extremely friendly and (2) Get free stuff – in this case: shows. She noted, however, that some of the theaters she has been volunteering at, like the new theater at UCLA, were either charging their volunteers to park (which I told her I thought was absurd) or were replacing senior volunteers with kids from the campus.

3) The Elusive “Vents”. My grandmother’s house has central air but the vents are out of her reach and / or hard for her to open and close. I don’t keep tabs on the weather reports in the Los Angeles area on a regular basis but, for whatever reason, whenever I talk to her, the vents need to be either opened or closed.

4) The VCR / DVD / TV Debacle. Similar to the vents issue above, somehow my grandmother always manages to press the one button on her remote or on the VCR, DVD, or TV that causes them all to stop functioning at once. Fortunately, it sounded like my brother dropped by and fixed the issue when it happened recently.

5) Casino. As I indicated above, there is no one more adept at getting free stuff than my grandmother. She is always traveling to casinos on trips with senior groups – to Henderson, Las Vegas, and some “Indian” casinos closer to home – for free. She described her latest trip in detail and, if my calculations are correct (and they should be as she described the trip in minute detail) – accounting for the $1 she paid to have her car “locked up so it was safe” before she got on the bus that took them there, the food and slot credits, and tips – the casino actually paid her approximately $17.50 to go to their casino and hang out.

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Back to Back Impact

July 4th, 2010

This evening I watched Road House followed by DC Cab. I honestly believe this was a powerful, life-changing event in my life – even if the effects of it won’t be seen for quite some time.

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Living Mascots

June 23rd, 2010

Ever wonder about the guy who plays the “Can you hear me now?” Verizon geek? Or how about that other geeky lanky dude who plays the “Dex Knows” phonebook guy? Well I do… I do wonder about guys like that. Possibly more than I should. But here’s what I wonder: What’s it like to be living mascots? I mean… The Verizon guy is plastered onto every Verizon billboard and bus ad and magazine ad and TV ad they do. He’s Ronald McDonald to McDonald’s or the creepy Wendy’s girl (who only became creepy after she started moving in the recent ads) to Wendy’s. With one exception – he ain’t all dolled up in makeup and he ain’t a cartoon. He’s just a dorky looking dude. And he’ll forever be the Verizon guy. That’s what anyone will ever think of him when they see him walking down the street, or trying to “branch out” in some independent movie, or taking someone’s order at a Subway when he passes his expiration date. It’d be like having makeup permanently plastered to you so you look like Mickey Mouse or Ronald McDonald all the time. That’s just messed up.

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Tom Petty’s Free Falling vs. The Karate Kid

May 21st, 2010

The following article contains the lyrics from Tom Petty’s Free Falling followed by excerpts from IMDB’s description of the plot from the original The Karate Kid and the wikipedia entry for the film.

She’s a good girl, loves her mama.
Loves Jesus and America too.
She’s a good girl, crazy ’bout Elvis.
Loves horses and her boyfriend too.

Daniel meets a girl, Ali Mills (Elisabeth Shue), a high school cheerleader … the nice and attractive popular girl of the school …

It’s a long day livin’ in Reseda.
There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard.
And I’m a bad boy, ’cause I don’t even miss her.
I’m a bad boy for breakin’ her heart.

Daniel LaRusso has just moved from New Jersey to Reseda, CA (a neighborhood in Los Angeles) and is finding it hard to acclimatise to life in the new city. He is promised a swimming pool and a beautiful house but when they get there, it’s anything but. He meets a beautiful blond girl but encounters a gang of bullies who make his life hell. This further dampens misery into Daniel’s life as he just wants to go home. He is continually bullied and is afraid to show his face around the high school.

All the vampires walkin’ through the valley
Move west down Ventura Blvd.
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows.
All the good girls are home with broken hearts.

School life isn’t so easy for Daniel, especially when he begins to like Ali, the nice and attractive popular girl of the school. Soon her jealous boyfriend and his gang, The Cobras, all of whom train at the local karate studio, are out to get Daniel, who is eager to prove himself courageous and not be scared off by the bullies, but also isn’t keen to blindly be punched up by the gang.

I wanna glide down over Mulholland.
I wanna write her name in the sky.
I wanna free fall out into nothin’.
Gonna leave this world for awhile.

Through the teaching, Daniel learns not only karate, but also important life lessons, such as the importance of balance, reflected by the belief that martial arts training is as much about training the spirit as the body. Daniel applies the life lessons that Miyagi has taught him to strengthen his relationship with Ali … Mr. Miyagi performs a mystical act on Daniel’s sprained leg, causing the pain to disappear. Still hobbling, Daniel performs a skillful move to beat his opponent, winning both the championship, the everlasting friendship of Mr. Miyagi, and the love of Ali.

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Conversation #1

May 18th, 2010

ME: I bought some fish!! :O

GIRLFRIEND: :-O for what?

ME: Trader Joes Wild Alaskan cod fish nuggets and tartar sauce :D

GIRLFRIEND: My boy is transforming before my very eyes!

ME: I’m not a boy. I’m a man :(

GIRLFRIEND: You are my boyfriend. Or do you want me to call you my manfriend from now on?

ME: Sho. That’d be rad. :D

GIRLFRIEND: Dork :P

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Correspondances

April 11th, 2010

I just finished watching a documentary called Trumbo – A film about a blacklisted screenwriter, his experiences, life, etc. And it’s told, primarily, via his writings – letters to friends, to business associates, etc. Interesting film.

Something occurred to me, however, in watching the film… And you’ll have to stick with me on this because it’s a long road. It’s like the foul mouthed pianist joke (PUNCH LINE: “Know it? I WROTE it…”). The difference being that my blog entry won’t likely have you rolling on the gum wrapper littered floor of your Geo whereas the pianist joke might. So here goes…

If you go to the archives in DC or to the Huntington Library or some museums, you’ll find these amazing historical letters. A letter Ben Franklin wrote to so and so or a letter Shakespeare wrote to so and so, etc. And what you realize is that, at least with some of the more prolific writers, there are a good deal of these letters out there – these guys and gals were writing letters constantly to each other. They couldn’t just pick up the phone – and, in cases where they lived long distances from each other, couldn’t meet in person to exchange ideas or just “shoot thy shit”. I just watched an entire film that was based around, primarily, the writings of one individual and in more recent of times (i.e. within the past 100 years). Writing letters was the primary, accessible form of personal communication.

I have to imagine that when telephone lines and long distance and phones became more commonplace, letter writing as the primary form of communication became antiquated. Why go through the whole process of writing a letter, getting an envelope, a stamp, etc. when you could just pick up the phone and find out how Uncle Trevor was doing instantly?

But flash forward to nowadays with the interwebs and “smart” phones. We e-mail. We instant message. We text message. I am writing constantly. Verbose e-mails to clients. Disgusting text messages to my friends. Sharing information and ridiculous links to cohorts over instant messenger. It occurred to me that, while technology has essentially advanced, we’ve swung around full circle to more people writing to communicate than, in many cases, talking over the phone or even in person.

And then I thought, “Whoa… I just blew my own mind…” And then I grabbed a cookie.

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“The Life I Lead” (3rd Reprise) or The Saddest Moment EVER in Cinema History

March 9th, 2010

When I was a youngin’, like many yougin’s, I enjoyed movies. And I grew up watching and appreciating the Disney classicsPinocchio, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Dumbo, The Wind in the Willows (one of faves), and, of course, Mary Poppins. I mentioned Mary Poppins as being some kind of lying bitch in a previous post somewhere. Well she was. But that’s beside the point. She was hot. She could sing. She had a green energy mode of transportation. She could jump you into a painting. She hangs out with chimney sweeps! The perfect woman!

No.. That’s not what I’m writing about. I’m here to tell you about the saddest moment ever in cinema history. Towards the end of the film, Mr. Banks is called to appear before his boss that evening. Mr. Banks knows it’s because he’s going to get fired. And he gets really depressed – So depressed, in fact, that he gives his annoying kids some dough and reprises his song “The Life I Lead” for, I believe, the third time in the film. But this time around, it’s super sad. And after a sad duet with Dick Van Dyke, Mr. Banks begins his long trek to the bank under the night sky, alone on the streets. As he walks, the tune grows in the orchestra and gets more sad by the measure, continues to grow with intensity along with some beautiful shots of Mr. Banks walking alone through a park – silhouetted by trees, and finally culminates with a choir and long shots of him walking up to the massive, imposing bank.

When I was a child, this was the saddest moment ever in cinema history and I’m sharing it with you. I still remember the scene and the music vividly.

Unfortunately, the only fucking video I could find of it was in German. The internet foils me again…

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Target Demographics

January 30th, 2010

Noticed something this evening… All jewelry ads.. You know the ones.. “How else to make 10 months salary last forever…” … “Oh!! He went to Jared!” … etc. Observation: Those ads have the direct opposite impact on men than they do women. Absolutely polarizing.

A man thinks: “Holy crap! I’m never getting married – no rock is worth that much dough. What kind of superficial wench… grrr…”

A woman thinks: “Awwww… I want to get married and have a big diamond ring given to me by a metrosexual…”

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Mary Poppins: Bastard

January 17th, 2010

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun…

I beg to differ, Ms. Poppins. There’s plenty of jobs that aren’t fun at all. You’re a real ass for lying to kids like that. And then you go and feed them spoonfuls of sugar and wreck their teeth. Bastard.

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Twart

January 14th, 2010

twart [twahrt] Vulgar Slang
–noun
1. an often audible discharge of intestinal gas (flatus) expelled through Twitter.com
2. an annoying or foolish Twitter.com user.
–verb (used without object)
3. to expel a flatus through Twitter.com; break virtual wind.
–verb phrase:
twart around
4. to spend time foolishly or aimlessly on Twitter.com

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