Does anyone remember The Thompson Twins? Of course you do. Hold me now. Hold my arm. Stay with meeeee. You get the idea. Yeah they were pretty groovy. Heck - they even had their own little video game hidden on a record or some crazy, cracker crap. Some might even call them particularly splendid. Which is why it pains me to bring you such dismal news. "The Thompson Twins" are nothing but a bunch of no good, stinkin' liars. Fibbers.
Fabricators of informational manure!
For you see, "The Thompson Twins" were not actual twins...
I know. The truth is often shocking. Disheartening. And ugly. And "The Thompson Twins" were all three wrapped into one. I would not make such bold accusations if I didn't have verifiable evidence to back it up so I will try and shed some light on this awful abomination of truth in the following paragraphs.
They Cannot Be Twins
I am fairly certain that at least one and possibly two of the Thompson "twins" are female. This, immediately, would eliminate the possibility of the three of them being identical twins. And actually, come to think of it, since they are, point of fact, a group of three, they cannot possibly be "twins" by definition. They would have to be "The Thompson Triplets". So, really, I could stop my little essay right here and now. But I won't. Because I have many more ridiculous observations to make. Actually, only two more observations to make. But I promise you, they're pretty ridiculous.
Not Enough Thompsons
At one time, according to Señor Wiki, there were up to 6-7 members of "The Thompson Twins". That's a lot of "twins". But here's the even more suspect part: Not a single one of these "twins" had the last name "Thompson". I decided to investigate this startling revelation further and discovered that only one of the 6-7 band members even had a first name of "Tom" (which is sometimes short for Thomas - possibly Thompson or Fredrick). The wiki is quick to point out that Tom - whose full name is Tom Bailey - "... despite training as a classical pianist, (Tom) initially worked as a music teacher at Brook School, Sheffield...". This is like saying that, "... despite studying dentistry in school, Melvin initially worked as a dentist..." - hardly an astute observation by the wiki. And besides - most people would agree that having a degree in music is about as useful in the real world as a rental agreement with a pickled egg.
Ebony and Ivory
This observation may shock some of you who are dumber than pancake mix.... But one of "The Thompson Twins" appears to be black. In my unpublished, undocumented, and unbased opinion, this automatically eliminates him / her (because of the androgynous nature of "The Thompson Twins" it is very difficult to discern who is female or male) from being of twin relation to either of the other Thompson "twins". In fact, the other two "twins" appear to be so pale that it is my opinion that they are more likely to be related to John Cusack than to the other Thompson "twin". Interestingly enough, John Cusack does have a documented sister. They are not, however, "twins". Actually, that wasn't very interesting at all. So I lied. I am, therefore, no better than "The Thompson Twins".
Conclusion
What have we learned today? We've learned that I am no better than "The Thompson Twins". But at least I don't wear a ridiculously fey looking pink sweater glove.
Fabricators of informational manure!
For you see, "The Thompson Twins" were not actual twins...
I know. The truth is often shocking. Disheartening. And ugly. And "The Thompson Twins" were all three wrapped into one. I would not make such bold accusations if I didn't have verifiable evidence to back it up so I will try and shed some light on this awful abomination of truth in the following paragraphs.
They Cannot Be Twins
I am fairly certain that at least one and possibly two of the Thompson "twins" are female. This, immediately, would eliminate the possibility of the three of them being identical twins. And actually, come to think of it, since they are, point of fact, a group of three, they cannot possibly be "twins" by definition. They would have to be "The Thompson Triplets". So, really, I could stop my little essay right here and now. But I won't. Because I have many more ridiculous observations to make. Actually, only two more observations to make. But I promise you, they're pretty ridiculous.
Not Enough Thompsons
At one time, according to Señor Wiki, there were up to 6-7 members of "The Thompson Twins". That's a lot of "twins". But here's the even more suspect part: Not a single one of these "twins" had the last name "Thompson". I decided to investigate this startling revelation further and discovered that only one of the 6-7 band members even had a first name of "Tom" (which is sometimes short for Thomas - possibly Thompson or Fredrick). The wiki is quick to point out that Tom - whose full name is Tom Bailey - "... despite training as a classical pianist, (Tom) initially worked as a music teacher at Brook School, Sheffield...". This is like saying that, "... despite studying dentistry in school, Melvin initially worked as a dentist..." - hardly an astute observation by the wiki. And besides - most people would agree that having a degree in music is about as useful in the real world as a rental agreement with a pickled egg.
Ebony and Ivory
This observation may shock some of you who are dumber than pancake mix.... But one of "The Thompson Twins" appears to be black. In my unpublished, undocumented, and unbased opinion, this automatically eliminates him / her (because of the androgynous nature of "The Thompson Twins" it is very difficult to discern who is female or male) from being of twin relation to either of the other Thompson "twins". In fact, the other two "twins" appear to be so pale that it is my opinion that they are more likely to be related to John Cusack than to the other Thompson "twin". Interestingly enough, John Cusack does have a documented sister. They are not, however, "twins". Actually, that wasn't very interesting at all. So I lied. I am, therefore, no better than "The Thompson Twins".
Conclusion
What have we learned today? We've learned that I am no better than "The Thompson Twins". But at least I don't wear a ridiculously fey looking pink sweater glove.
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